Denial is a tough subject to write about and I welcome any feedback you might have about the situation I'm going to outline.
I know a young man of ten who is fascinated by guns. He reads about them. Any time he goes to the library or a bookstore he demands to get books or magazines about them. He sketches pictures of them. He talks about them. This young man was brought up with two older sisters who torment him ceaselessly. From what I'm led to understand, his mother and father didn't realize he couldn't read or write until he was about eight years old even though he is a student in a well-regarded private school. Remedial help is now being given but he is described as withdrawn and very angry. Cousins choose not to play with him because he is so angry and acts so childlike.
His mother allows him and his sisters to leave toys and clothes heaped on the floors of not only their rooms but their bathroom as well. In fact, two rooms of their large, expansive home are now so filled with junk they are impassable.
Their mother is strict with them, but secretive with the rest of the family. No one knows their daily routines, their vacation schedules or even what they do for recreation day to day. Phone messages are often answered by email several days later. All of the children are reported to be on medication of some sort; the ten year old takes eleven or twelve pills a day but his mother will not tell anyone what the pills do or if, indeed, they have been proscribed by a doctor or are over-the-counter.
Through all of this, his mother is oblivious. Suggestions by relatives go unheeded. Questions about the children are unanswered. The father responds, "I don't know" to most inquiries about the family, even basic ones.
Grandparents are not willing to take any action whatsoever.
The CIA could use these folks in a training video about clandestine living.
I've been asked to visit with the little boy on occasion. I know quite a bit about firearms that I could probably teach to him on a ten-year-old level. I also know quite a bit about how angry little boys with a fascination for weapons and violence can grow up and do things that shock their families. Frequently they are said to have "just snapped" although professionals will tell you they have been well-trained throughout their childhood to behave just that way.
Should I talk with this child about firearms and teach him not only the good but the bad things that can happen? Or should I find another way to interact with him? I don't know much about dealing with kids though I know a great deal about what some of them have done. I don't want any of that to touch him or his family.
Any ideas from you moms and dads and assorted professionals out there?
2 comments:
Through my own (albeit rather limited) experience, I've come to believe that the parents of a child, and how the child is brought up by those parents, is a factor in his future personality that outweighs all the others. I also tend to believe that if this boy really wants to learn about weapons, your involvement with him is not going to keep him from that. In fact, your teaching him in a responsible way might be good for him, because otherwise he my not have access to a constructive way of learning about guns and violence, and his education in that regard may continue in a less controlled, more emotionally-driven manner. I think it comes down to how well you think you connect with him, whether you think you could help him, and how much responsibility you might feel if something bad was to happen.
Good luck. I don't know if there's an easy answer to this one, but I applaud you for considering it so thoughtfully and thoroughly.
I have extensive experience working with children. The situation you describe is certainly a dire one - it gives me the chills! You are right - the CIA could learn a few tips about the characteristics of a clandestine family by observing this bunch.
My advice - I wouldn't focus on his gun obsession too much in your interaction with him. What the boy needs is a figure in his life that gives him an "out" which is life-preserving, nurturing, and EXCITING for him. Right now it seems he has found excitement and escape in his gun obsession - and you are right to assume that carried further, this could lead to some very upsetting outcomes should it be encouraged and allowed to become his chosen form of escape/comfort.
He needs a positive adult figure in his life who leads him on a path which allows him to build his sense of identity on foundations he can be proud of. He most likely attached himself to guns because he admired a character or persona who used them and he was attracted to the power/culture/pride attached. He needs to find that same association and drive elsewhere.
My two cents.
Good luck.
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