Should George Be At Lura Lynn's Bedside?

Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich suggests today that convicted former Governor George Ryan be allowed to spend more time with his reportedly dying wife, Lura Lynn.

Ryan is serving time in federal prison. He's been allowed one short visit to her bedside already.

Schmich's column has generated hundreds of comments which, of course, was the intention. Whether she sincerely believes her argument or is making it for the purpose of "sellin' papers" is something only she knows. But she says society isn't punishing George by keeping him from his terribly sick wife, we're punishing her.

The fact that Schmich and so many others care about the lovely former First Lady of Illinois is wonderful. By all accounts, she's led a good life and has been a great wife and mother. And it goes without saying that anyone who is dying deserves to be surrounded by their loved ones.

Unfortunately, through no fault of hers, Lura Lynn Ryan happens to be the wife of someone doing time.

When an individual is convicted of a crime and goes to prison, it's said their family goes to prison with them. It is an unintended but unavoidable cruelty of the criminal justice system. Fallout, some would call it. Collateral damage.

Schmich never explains why she's asking for mercy specifically for Lura Lynn Ryan.

Aren't the ill and suffering spouses of other convicts just as worthy of our concern? If we're going to ask for mercy for Lura Lynn Ryan, let's include all of the mothers and fathers who are dying. All the sons and daughters, too. The grandchildren.

Surely they're just as deserving, aren't they?

Or is it just because Lura Lynn Ryan is the wife of a prominent person that Schmich thinks she should be shown special consideration?

Or maybe she thinks of George as a big ol' teddy bear. When I covered the Illinois General Assembly, George was Speaker of the House. Because of his surly voice and manner, some of us called him "George of the Statehouse," mimicking the cute "George of the Jungle" cartoon and song.

George of the Federal Pen isn't cute. He's well known, but he certainly isn't special nor deserving of any sort of extras. He's a convicted criminal doing time for heinous acts.

And like other convicts, his family, sick or well, good people or bad, must suffer for his actions right alongside him.

Add Lura Lynn Ryan to your prayers, Mary Schmich.

That's the best and only thing we can do for her.

Where's My Million Dollar Office?

First this disclaimer: I am not, never was and likely never will be Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.

The only chance for me to get the job of Speaker will be if Future President Palin asks me to serve. By then, she will have suspended all elections and be appointing lackeys to various posts to make it "look" like we have a functioning representational government. I'm sure she will allow me to lackey from home three days a week.

For a million dollars worth of retirement office, I could lackey with the best of them. I have references from past employers.

That office is what I really want. And the **Perks** that come with it. I figure I'll lackey a year, then slide down the slush fund highway to my retirement.

Former Speaker Denis Hastert has his million dollar **Perk** retirement office out in Yorkville. Funding is mandated by Congress. According to the Chicago Tribune this morning, former Speakers have been awarded **Perks** by the taxpayers since 1959.

According to the Tribune, with that simple and austere looking office comes a rent payment each month to his cronies, retirement jobs for the staff who served him so nobly for years (among other things, a hundred G a year for a secretary...hmmm...wonder how full-time wink wink that job is. Maybe I'd rather be a retired Speaker's secretary), a vehicle, money to throw at other former cronies for "consulting work," plus all expenses paid for **Perks** like Comcast and Direct TV.

All this for a guy who charges $25,000 to give a speech. Of course, he can't use his retirement office or his retirement staff of junior lackeys or any of his **Perk** computers or **Perk** Blackberries to arrange those. He also can't use the funds or the office to help him in the lobbying work he does for a couple of minor foreign countries. Noble statesman that he is, I'm sure he abides by those rules. **Perks** only stretch so far. Cough cough.

I promise I won't charge 25G to give a speech. Once I lackey, then retire and move into my new **Perk** office, I will stay the same humble guy I am now. My fee for speech-giving will remain at a few hundred bucks, a nice tray of cookies and some flat soft drinks.

What I'll really want to do is spend time in my **Perk** retirement office. Perhaps I'll hand out **Perks** to some of my cronies, too. I'll need a staff of course. A vehicle. And consultants.

Maybe one of them can be former Illinois Speaker of the House George Ryan. Old Speakers need to hang together and George loved it when I worked in Springfield and hummed "George of the Jungle" whenever he walked into the statehouse press room. George is living in his retirement office at public expense right now but I hear it's not as plush as Denny's and he wants out to tend to his ailing wife.

If he and Lura Lynn last that long, I'm sure President Palin will grant him his wish. Then he can go to work for me and we can both spend our days watching TV in my austere **Perk** retirement office.

I wonder if the **Perks** for a retired Speaker include more than basic cable? We'll for sure want to catch the reruns of Prison Break.