Socks Monster the Feline Action Hero

Socks is a man of few words. He lets his charm and dignified mode of dress (always in a tux) speak for itself. Don't cross him, however. He's not one of those girly-man metrosexuals. He holds a 3rd degree black belt in Cat-kwan-do and is licensed to purr.

Let's Say You Want To Create a Press Kit

I spent a long couple of years as the part-time Public Affairs director of a Chicago radio station.

Among other things, I hosted a weekly public-affairs show which spotlighted various civic activities, community issues and, yes, authors with new books. The latter subject was entirely self-serving. I didn't have a book out but I figured I might learn something from those who did. I produced the show. Directed the show. Recorded the show. And...opened mail for the show.

A lot of mail.

I had two basic rules. I required everyone to provide two to three weeks advance notice of whatever they were promoting(no more, or my walnut-sized brain couldn't handle it) and the better the cookies included with the press kit, well, I won't admit to playing favorites but . . .

Of course, the "press kits" came in various forms and they weren't always ready for prime time. Or even public consumption. The smelly ones were the worst. Sometimes written on lavender-scented paper like a love note, other times containing air-fresheners, once even a green pepper. Why a green pepper? To promote a new Mexican restaurant, of course! Unfortunately, that one came while I was on vacation for two weeks. My office mates told me they went through my desk twice trying to find remnants of a past lunch.

One of my favorites was the press kit in which everything was blurry. News release, pictures, everything. I opened it and was convinced I was having a stroke or a brain aneurism or, at the very least, going blind. Nope. Finally fished out a small card that read: "Having trouble reading our message? Lasik Surgery could help!" When the doctor's publicist called a couple of days later wanting me to interview his client, I pretended I couldn't hear him. Drove him crazy.

Point being, I learned a few things to do, and not to do, when promoting yourself to the media.

Be professional. Lemon air fresheners and sexy perfume sprayed on the pages send the wrong message and, these days, may result in the station calling out a fire department haz-mat team if the smell is too obnoxious. A concise news release, computer generated and printed on plain white paper is a good start. Include your name, book title, website address and a phone number where you can be reached at the top of the page. And use only one page, double-spaced to make your point. If you don't know how to write a news release, go online and learn.

Avoid the cute font styes that look like cursive printing. And, whatever you do, don't send anything written in longhand. You may be able to read your writing but most doctors think pharmacists can read their prescriptions, too (hint: the reason your allergies stay but you go to the bathroom lots more after you get your prescription filled is because sometimes they guess!).

Provide a copy of your book but don't expect anyone at a radio or TV station to actually read it. They may, of course. Or they may skim it (or they may give it to the janitor, receptionist or, arrrghhh, consign it to the circular file). As a writer, I always skimmed other authors' work but appreciated any material that boiled down the plot or contents for me. While a reporter may tell you she would never in a million years ask questions prepared by an author or publicist, an overworked public affairs director will suck that stuff up. Suggest questions; they may get used. For my first book, I included on my website and in some of my press materials an interview I had done with myself. Now I include what I call a "chaplet" in my media kit that contains a partial synopsis of the book and some excerpts to provide potential readers a glimpse of the action.

Absolutely include any articles that have been written about you and especially reviews that highlight your work, past or present.

Don't get carried away sending extras. Pens are always nice but save tie clips, paperweights, sticky notes, paper-clip holders, bumper stickers and even book marks for use at book-signings or elsewhere. Food is iffy. Much as I liked the occasional home-made cookie, a smart radio or TV person nowadays would probably trash anything like that, just to be safe.

Make certain you send your information to the person who can accomplish what you would like them to do. Our traffic director used to get regular updates on expressway closings. Unfortunately, at a radio station the traffic director is responsible for internal logs and placement of commercials. A traffic reporter keeps track of the accidents. A friend of mine sent his press kit to a local radio station and was surprised he never got a response. If he had listened to the station, he would have discovered their news/talk format had changed to "all Polish, all the time." Sending a note to your favorite personality or on-air reporter about the book you're promoting may be helpful but, chances are, she will pass it along to a producer or assignment editor, anyway. Know where your press kit should go.

Keep your materials snappy and smart, informative and brief, avoid including anything cute or that smells (good or bad), send them to the right person and your promotion will often bring you surprising results.

Where Do You Get Your Ideas?

I think it's a law. People at parties ask doctors and attorneys for free advice, standup comics to be funny and authors where we get our ideas.

In fact, it's the question asked at booksignings, during interviews, on blogs and websites, on dates (or even before them, "You can't take out my daughter until you tell me! Where do you get your ideas?") probably around the table at family reunions and, for all I know, on authors' death beds ("Gramma Agatha, before you go, just one last thing...").

Lawrence Block, the prolific author of the Matt Scudder, Bernie Rhondenbarr and Keller series of crime novels claims he gets the ideas for his books from a factory in Cleveland. Can't you just see it? "The Idea Factory: Where Books are Born"? "Twelve Ideas for a Buck. Get 'em While They're Hot!"

Were there really such a factory, I might be tempted to buy a few for myself. Aw heck, who am I kidding? No I wouldn't. Good ideas aren't at all tough to find.

The TV series Law and Order takes a basic approach. Their plots are, "rrrrripped from the headlines!" A very logical and popular place many of us go for ideas.

Plain old emotions are a great source, too. Fury has inspired many a murder mystery. Killing one's ex-spouse was the idea that landed Sue Grafton on the bestseller list. Linda Mickey's series about temp worker Kyle Shannon was born when Mickey decided to off her boss (on paper, of course). And don't you suppose Cormac McCarthy was a little ticked off when he penned the blood-spattered No Country for Old Men?

I benefit from a career spent covering cops. Many of my ideas are rrrrripped from stories I worked, the characters based on colorful individuals I've encountered on both sides of the law. I developed part of the plot of my first book Deader by the Lake from the chance comment of a cop buddy who was frustrated by foreign cab drivers. The title and basic plot idea for my second book, Every Secret Crime, comes from a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote I saw posted on the wall of a detective squadroom. The bleak location where two children were murdered became part of a scene in Every Secret Crime and I blended memories of a late but wonderful old friend into one of my favorite characters in Crime as well.

I grab ideas from conversations, too. One came to me just the other day as a friend was describing the disappearance of her brother, an Air Force cryptologist presumed lost in a crash. A gun shop discussion about silencers put another idea into my head (gun shops, shooting ranges and pistol enthusiasts are always a wonderful source of information and ideas for crime novelists).

In fact, the same people who ask the Idea Question often contribute ideas of their own. Usually, it's the same one: "Have you ever thought of having an icicle as your murder weapon? That way when it melts . . ."

Before my first book came out, I made the mistake of telling a relative how frustrated I was with the publishing process. He spent the next half hour giving me his idea for a book plot that he likened to Star Trek Meets Jessica Fletcher. "See, Cabot Cove is actually on Mars and Jessica is an android who..."

I warn people who offer lousy ideas that the union requires them to pay me at the rate of a quarter a word if I turn their plot into a book.

When someone slips me a good idea, I just take notes.

Excuses Don't Work in Girl's Beating

This week, I've been trying to ignore one item in the news: the story of the Florida teenager who was beaten by a group of girls, reportedly so they could put a video of the action on YouTube.

Then I saw the video on the Chicago Tribune's website (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/orl-beating0908apr09,0,7846159.story).

Pretty awful.

What struck me, though, is a quote from the mother of one of the girls. She told the Today Show's Matt Lauer that the sheriff's office investigating the case has "overblown" it. She takes issue with investigators who say the beating lasted thirty minutes. She says "First of all, the tape that was released is only three minutes long. That was the worst of it."

Well, lady, the "worst of it" is the reason I think your daughter and the rest of her posse should spend the next year or longer locked up, either in a juvenile detention center or adult jail. I'm just sorry there's no statute of Aggravated Making Stupid Excuses for Your Kid so you could be dropped in there beside them.

In that three minutes, the victim is repeatedly punched, slapped and knocked into a wall, while other girls variously encourage the one doing the beating and warn not to let the victim fall into a china cabinet. Sheriff's investigators say that all happened after the girl awoke from a previous beating that knocked her unconscious.

Will anybody really go to jail for this? Between now and court, I predict:

We'll see elephant tears and hear sobbed apologies from one or more of the accused, probably on network television, all offered as they keep one eye on the monitor in the studio, eager to rush home to see their performance and high-five their friends about how they sure put one over on the media.

At least one or more of the clueless parents will offer the usual excuses for their kids' behavior: frightened, peer pressure, bullied at school, traumatic childhood, ate too many doughnuts that morning.

Lame alibis from others who were there who didn't actually do any of the hitting (or weren't caught on tape), otherwise known as the old "I was in the bathroom" defense. One of the boys who alledgedly was stationed outside has already claimed claimed he was actually getting gas for his car, and not on lookout duty, when the beating took place. Hope you have a credit card receipt, bud.

Point of fact, most of the perpetrators are going to skate. Unfortunately the dumb-bunny mom already has.

And One Last Q and A...

Q: On Law and Order, the police always read the suspects their rights when they handcuff them. Does that really happen?

A: It's a Law and Order gimmick. Going back to when I kept the community safe (a frightening thought) and worked on the Warrants Squad, we were always taught to keep our mouths shut when making an arrest but to listen carefully to whatever the suspect had to say. As long as we weren't asking questions, any statements they made about their crimes were considered voluntary admissions. If I remember correctly, the law says the popularly known "Miranda" rule only applies to in custody interrogations. As a Warrants guy, all I did was arrest the bad guys. Wasn't my job to question them.
Something else the L and O cops do when making an arrest made me laugh the first time I heard it. You'll notice they always say something like, "John Smith you're under arrest for..." Not a bad idea. I came this/close to arresting the wrong guy once. Had him almost hooked up and something told me to make sure he was the guy named on the warrant. I asked, "Are you John Guiltyguy Smith?" Nope. Turned out he was John Dumbunny Smith. Afterward I always wondered why he didn't say anything until I asked. Must have felt guilty about somethin' else...

And Yet...Another Question and Answer

Q: I got pulled over and stopped by two Chicago cops who were not in uniform and who had their guns out the whoele time. What's up with that?

A: You don't say where the stop happened or what it was for so I'll just have to hazard a guess. They could have been detectives but that would be an unusual situation. More likely you were stopped by a couple of tactical officers. Chicago deploys tactical(tac) squads in all 25 of its police districts. Depending on their mission, or assignment, the tac cops are allowed to wear plainclothes and drive unmarked cars. In high crime areas, or when checking out known offenders, all officers uniform or plainclothes, regularly make vehicle stops with their weapons drawn. It's completely within CPD policy and a matter of officer safety. In my agency back in the old days, you wouldn't have seen guns out unless we were making a felony stop but ours was a mostly rural sheriff's department. I've been on Chicago ride-alongs and, on even routine car stops in some districts, the officers kept their weapons out, at their sides, fingers off the trigger unless they had reason to do otherwise.

If it wasn't a traffic violation, they probably pulled you over because (a) you were driving through a known drug or prostitution area, (b) your vehicle matched the description of one they had a flash (radio broadcast) alert about or (c) something you did made them suspicious.

While we're on the subject, here's some advice on how to behave in a circumstance such as you describe. Be respectful but make certain plainclothes officers have appropriate identification. Most will wear their star displayed either on a lanyard around their neck or attached to their belt. Keep your hands in plain sight at all times. Leaving them on the steering wheel is a good practice. If you need to reach into your clothes, a purse or anywhere in the car for your ID, ask permission FIRST. If you see they have their guns drawn, do not try to get out of your car or make any sudden moves. Car stops are stressful for the officers. Remember, they don't know you're a law-abiding person who may have just gotten lost in a bad neighborhood. They have to assume the worst. Follow their directions exactly and, as long as you aren't a drug mule carrying several pounds of Mexican tar heroin in your back seat, you'll probably be on your way in no time.

And Another Answer

Mystery Chick said...
Wow, cop and investigator, reporter and talk show host and now best selling author...you are quite the renaissance man!What will you do next?

Beats me. I went to Disney World already this year...

Questions AND Answers

Q: "I was trying to do a search for sex offenders in my neighborhood, (since i have a young nephew that lives down the block) and where do they reside? I cannot locate a site this provides this information without paying for it? I thought this kind of information was privy to everyone?"

A: Megan's Law, enacted by Congress a few years ago, gives everyone access to sex offender information. In Illinois, the Sex Offender Registry is maintained by the state police (www.isp.state.il.us/sor/). Other states may have different agencies providing the information but, if you Google "sex offender information" and the name of your state, county or town, I'll bet you'll find a link.

Q: "What was the scariest situation you faced as a police officer?"

A: I was on my way home one Saturday night and stopped to check out Lieutenant Kip's brand new squad car that he was driving for the first time. It contained a new style light bar, lights to see inside cars he stopped, lights to check doors on both sides of an alley at once, even lights on the console to see the controls for the other lights, great electronic siren and everything else a modern copper could want. We sat in a strip mall parking lot so he could show me all his gadgets. About halfway through his demo, an armed robbery call came out a mile or so away. I was always an alert police person, so when a Chevrolet Camaro matching the description of the getaway vehicle came charging out from behind a club across the street, I uttered the words Lieutenant Kip reminds me of to this very day:
"Gee, that looks like the suspect vehicle in that armed robbery!"
We pulled in behind it. I called in the license plate (on the brand new Motorola radio) but, before the dispatcher could even respond, the guy ran a red light right in front of us. Kip lit him up (turned on his new light bar) hit the new siren and...the guy took off.
We chased him. Down streets. Through alleys. Into a mall parking lot where a club was just closing and people scattered screaming in all directions and the bad guy sideswiped another squad but kept going. Over the curb on the mall perimeter, into traffic, through two red lights, three red lights and then onto a four-lane divided highway where he revved it up to 100 miles per hour.
Three miles ahead of us, the state troopers blocked the road.
Now to this point, it was sort of exciting and fun. When the guy cut across the median, turned around and headed back our way, however, I started to get a little concerned. The terror began when Lieutenant Kip also cut across the median and attempted to run the guy off the road (remember, we believed they were armed) by heading straight toward him.
Only the Bad Guy didn't chicken out.
Needless to say, the head-on crash could have killed us all.
Fortunately, we turned slightly just before impact and the front tip of the squad's hood only came through the windshield far enough to give me a nice black eye and some cuts and scratches. I realized later the bruise on my belly came from the nifty new Motorola unit when it tore loose from the front console and buried itself in the buckle of my gunbelt.
Lieutenant Kip learned what having a steering wheel hammered into the chest feels like. His Kevlar vest protected him (but he still has back problems).
The Camaro, however, kept running. The driver took it back across the median and over a set of railroad tracks where he got stuck and the troopers caught up to him. Two days later in court, the passenger still had the nice round imprint from the mouth of a 12 gauge shotgun dented into the right side of his head.
Lieutenant Kip's brand new squad car, lights and all, was DOA.
I think he's still pissed about that, twenty-five years later.
Especially since the two guys weren't the armed robbery suspects after all, just a couple of liquored up teenagers who had misdemeanor warrants out for them.

Questions, I Get Questions...

To be honest, I haven't gotten any yet. At least from blog readers, at any rate. I'm hoping that will change.

Seeing as how many of my mystery-writing friends, and folks at book-signings, frequently ask me about police procedure, I thought I'd open up the blog to similar inquiries.

If you have a question about cops, ask and I'll come up with something. If I don't know the answer I'll bug a cop for it. But I spent some time in law-enforcement during and after college and then worked for more than twenty-five years covering crime for radio and tv stations in several cities, most notably in Chicago for eighteen years. I should know this stuff.

G'wan. Test me. I dare ya.

More on Shameless Self-Promotion

A friend who's writing a book asked me yesterday when I'm going to start promoting Every Secret Crime, since it won't be out until June. Then another friend called and asked when he can start wearing his official Reno McCarthy shirt (a really cool marketing gimmick...nifty logo on a black 5.11 Tactical shirt ...more available soon).

So here's the deal.

We've already started promoting, publicizing and marketing.

When I hosted a talk show on Chicago radio, I had two basic rules. 2-3 weeks advance notice (no more, or my walnut-sized brain couldn't handle it) and the better the cookies included with the press kit, well, I won't admit to playing favorites but, I digress...

Crime will be out June 18th. ARCs (Advance Review Copies) have gone out to reviewers, of course, and we've sent teaser letters with a four-color (and very spiffy) sell-sheet to several hundred libraries and bookstores throughout the Midwest. The artwork is either in-process or complete and submitted for magazine ads that will run in the May-June-July issues. Complete marketing/publicity kits will go out to libraries and bookstores in the next month with a full court press to the media in May and June, depending on the target (newspaper or broadcast).

Personally, it's tough not to start handing out bookmarks and chaplets to everyone I see right now but, darn it, the cookies aren't even baked yet!

Handgun Stuff: Part Deaux

If you haven't been professionally trained in the use of a handgun, here are three quick reasons why you shouldn't buy one to defend your home:

1. You might think a burglar climbing in your window across the room would be a hard target to miss but if just one of your rounds goes astray, who's it likely to strike instead? Your daughter sleeping in the next room? Your neighbor? The guy walking his dog across the street?

2. Are you familiar with all of the laws that apply to the use of deadly force in your community? Are you even entitled to own a handgun in your town? An Illinois resident shot and wounded a man who had broken into his home. The burglar went to the hospital. The homeowner was charged with a firearms violation.

3. Are you ready to take a human life? That's not a frivolous question. Even police officers who have killed in self-defense often are beseiged by guilt for years afterward. And if you aren't ready to shoot to kill, there's a better than even chance you'll be giving the Bad Guy a weapon to use on you or your loved ones.

Some better ideas:

Any cop will tell you the reason one house gets hit when others around it do not is because (a) the residents refuse to lock their doors or (b) they rely on six-dollar locks to protect million dollar homes. Close and lock your windows, too, even on the second floor. Look at it this way: the tougher you make it for a crook to get into your house, the more likely he'll go after your neighbor's place.

Like dogs? Get a big one. Yeah they eat a lot but their bulk and bark at a critical moment could save you far more than what you spend to feed them.

Light it up! Bad Guys love darkness. Install motion-sensor lights outside, and keep a couple of lights on timers inside. While you're at it, if you have bushes or trees that block the view of your front door from the street, get rid of them. Burglars like to lurk where others can't see. And the most common home invasion starts with a kicked-in door.

Consider alarm systems. Yep, the good ones are expensive and require professional installation and monitoring. Is the peace of mind worth it? Absolutely.

Finally, keep this in mind if you're worried about a close quarters attack, whether in your home or on the street. Forget Mace or pepper spray. An old cop I know suggests carrying a can of oven cleaner. As far as I know, it's not outlawed in any state, can be carried in pocket or purse or kept in a car or beside your bed. Take a look at the ingredients. Spraying oven cleaner in an attacker's eyes will likely cause extreme pain and blindness, and both conditions are excellent for changing their mind.