Why Sarah Palin Makes My Teeth Itch

If Sarah Palin were a man, she'd be one of those old-style, suspenders-wearing and cigar smoking politicians (usually of indeterminate party affilliation)who were a mainstay of movies through the forties and fifties.

You know who I mean. The minor characters who talked out of the corner of their mouths, patted little boys on the head, muttered under their breath about people of other races, and gave speeches that honored the flag, conservative values, middle-America, and apple pie.

In other words, she's superficial as hell.

She tosses off sound bites with the shameless fervor of a movie critic cuddling up to the studio bosses, pushing all the right buttons to make the Republican Faithful grin and nod and give her a frightening thumbs up. Thing is, though, I think her knowledge of the important issues facing America today could be measured with a teaspoon.

But, let's try a little experiment.

I took American Government during the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. My teacher was a guy named Bill Dinges. I remember him because he taught by the Socratic method and had only one rule. We had to speak in facts, not opinions. Slogans and one-liners weren't allowed. We could take any positions we liked but we had to justify them with well-founded research. And he cross-examined everyone about everything.

I'd like Sarah Palin to submit to questioning by a guy like Bill Dinges. Not a law or political science professor or Sam Donaldson-type. Just a quick-minded high school teacher who understands the issues, asks thought-provoking questions and would require Palin, his "student," to rigorously defend her answers.

Let's put the two of them across a table from each other on national TV for an hour or so. No moderator. No researchers or flacks. Just Sarah and the teacher.

A simple enough assignment for someone who wants to be President, don't you think?

Unfortunately, the results would terrify us. And, because of that, the Republicans will never allow such a Q and A to take place.

Better she be left to pat us on the head with one hand while waving an American flag in the other, all the while serving up messages that are the political equivalent of cotton candy.